Wednesday, September 18, 2013

The Great Coffee Rebellion(12/6/12)

*I think it would be advantageous to explain a few thing before getting into the actual entry.

First, for those of you unfamiliar with jail; there are random "raids". Their purposes are varied...from training purposes to shows of power to searches for contraband. The raids rarely yield much more than extra blankets and towels. For my snarky, anti-authority purposes I want to relate the guard's inflated sense of purpose...when they commit these towel raids, they come equipped with a pepper ball gun, I guess in case people are willing to fight for their extra towels. 

The second thing is the tobacco issue. For insurance and general health reasons, tobacco is not allowed in most county facilities. This makes sense for the most part, you know-cigarettes have their own issues that could negatively effect the institution...second hand smoke, lighters could wreak havoc. In Butler, at least, cigarettes aren't so much an issue. Snuff is the preferred method of tobacco use, pouches in particular.*

It would be easier for me to understand your perspective if my reality wasn't constantly punctuated with points contrary. 

"Remember, Remember the 6th of December
The Coffee Stains, Tobacco and Socks
I can think of no reason 
The rebellion and treason should ever be forgot"

Another day of infamy in American history. During the second raid of the week, guards at the Butler County Prison uncovered a residue of revolution that was so dangerous, so devious, that immediate and drastic action was needed to quell the coming insurrection. Unchecked, this sedition could have brought down western civilization and all of its comforts.

Among the cornucopia of extra tee shirts, socks and chewing tobacco guards discovered something more hideous than Bette Midler porn...Coffee stains on the ceiling. 

I know this is hard for reasonable people to believe, such acts of coffee abuse cannot be understood by cultured folk. You may not believe such blatant terrorism exists in a time of unbroken peace. I would be remiss, my loyal and patient listeners, to hide from you this ugly  truth. The fact is, that through careful investigation it was discovered that several coffee stains marred the otherwise pristine ceilings of the Community Service/Re-Entry Program pod(A-Pod) at the BCP.

As a result of this unsavory activity 60 some captives, including your humble and put upon narrator, were taken from the A-Pod dorms to F-Pod, a regular block with cells...with the threat of an indefinite lock down.

Nothing to do at this point but lay back, do some reading and enjoy a week of solitude...and of course a pouch of Grizzly wintergreen. 

#winning